Best, worst movies of 2003 The year offered a dire 'Gigli' and a heroic 'Seabiscuit'

Friday, December 26, 2003

By J.P. DEVINE

It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, and as my bartender always says, "Ain't it always the way?" Of course it is.

Since the first nickelodeons opened on the lower East Side of Manhattan, filmmakers have put their dreams on the screen, and have had roses and tomatoes thrown.

And this year is no different. Here are the worst and best films of 2003:

THE WORST

* "Masked and Anonymous:" Balladeer Bob Dylan and writer Larry Charles tried to cook up a kind of third world "Blade Runner" and fell on their faces. All the actors worked very hard but to no avail.

* "A Mighty Wind:" This is the saddest of all. The gang that brought us the wonderful "Waiting for Guffman" and "Best In Show" dropped the ball on their foot on "Mighty Wind," a too long attempt to make fun of the folk singing era. The wind became a draft.

* "Intolerable Cruelty:" Not even a terrific comic talent like George Clooney, who knocked us out in "O Brother," or the subtle gifts of Catherine Zeta-Jones could save this feeble attempt to re-create the whacky comedies of the 1930s. Preston Sturges is dead, long live Preston Sturges.

* "Laurel Canyon:" Love, incest and drug-loaded sex in a dirty swimming pool sounds like an interesting mix for a movie. But this one got lost in the lotus smog, despite the best efforts of the great Frances McDormand and the able Christian Bale.

* "Bend It Like Beckham:" Somebody put a stake through the heart of those awful "Bollywood" movies from India. Soccer movies never make a goal - especially with amateur actors and a 1950s "family" script.

* "The Matrix Reloaded:" Keanu Reeves and thousands of black suits misfired. What was it about? Ask a 12-year-old. Let's hope we're done with all of that.

* "Down with Love:" Ewan McGregor as Rock Hudson? Renee Zellweger as Doris Day? We loved them then, let them rest. This rehashed attempt at the power pink and blue sex comedies of the last century failed miserably. It's one thing to waste our time, but another to waste talents like these.

* "The Human Stain:" A Welshman playing a Jew who is really an African American? Take a botched script adapted from a murky novel, with confused performances by Ed Harris and Anthony Hopkins, and add Nicole Kidman as a janitor and what have you got? Stain.

* "Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines:" "Get out," "Give me your clothes," "I'll Drive." "Talk to the hand." Those precious lines once spoken by the new governor of California should be embroidered on a pillow and thrown out. As to "Ahnuld," we can all joyfully sing "Hasta La Vista, Baby."

* "Gigli:" The absolute worst movie of this or any year or perhaps since Warren Beatty and Dustin Hoffman started the first Gulf War with "Ishtar." But be frightened, be very frightened, these two are still in love and very hot. They'll be back.

And dishonorable mention goes to "Stephen King's Deamcatcher," which offered Morgan Freeman his worst role ever.

THE BEST

* "Open Range:" Kevin Costner's best work to date. His Westerns are superb. Robert Duvall keeps lighting candles at Oscar's altar. This one is a Roman.

* "Seabiscuit:" A roaring good, old-fashioned American movie with two great heroes, the horse and the guy who rode him. Make a place in the winner's circle.

* "Whale Rider:" A New Zealand dreamscape. A wonderful soft, low budget, miracle story of a girl and her whale.

* "The Italian Job:" A first-rate triple caper with a first-rate cast. It featured a hole in Hollywood Boulevard, Mini Coopers racing down subway tracks and a "gotcha" ending.

* "Lost In Translation:" Bill Murray rises from the grave of been-there, done-that comedies to etch a performance that was at once dry as toast and sharp as the knife that buttered it.

* "Love Actually:" The right movie for the right season. A perfect cast, each one a light on the tree competing for color and warmth, all winners. Awards for everyone.

* "Owning Mahowny:" Philip Seymour Hoffman, as born loser, plugs along from movie to movie making them all better for his contributions. His breakout role is long overdue. You'll have to look hard for this one.

* "Kill Bill:" Quentin Tarantino bets everything on the long knives of Kurosawa and the long legs of Uma Thurman ... and wins.

* "The Missing:" Not perfect but still in the winner's circle. No movie with Tommy Lee Jones and Cate Blanchett, directed by Ron Howard, could be on any other list.

Honorable mention goes to "The Dancer Upstairs," John Malkovich's superb direction of Javier Bardem in a Latin dictatorship political drama with an equally superb cast an ironic ending.

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